The Other
#Nutty November 16
These are my scattered thoughts when I think about other people, kindness, and forgiveness.
Nut 1:
Up to a certain age, I was very judgmental about my parents. Then I read somewhere: It is also their first time living. They are also figuring out. It is their first time dealing with three kids. It is their first time at building a family. It is their first time of taking responsibility for their kid’s actions.
We forget this. Ideally we should think this about everyone around us. It is their first time living.
Nut 2:
An idea from Anthony De Mello worth thinking about more is on understanding.
Everyone is acting out of their best knowledge and situation at that point. The same way you can’t understand them completely, they can’t understand you too.
Why? The narratives that live in the backdrop - from the moment of your birth to that very moment - is key to understand. You cannot think it. You can only experience it.
The only thing you can always do is, let others be. When they cross the boundaries of letting you being you, stay away from them, - if that is impossible, tell and raise the defence walls.
Even if they explain a thousand times, you won’t understand. Because the language is different.
Nut 3:
In my language Malayalam, a character is called “Kadhapathram”. It is a combination of two word - “Kadha” meaning story and “pathram” meaning a bowl or plate.
A character is a just a bowl with a story.
Character comes across through how that person looks and behaves. Do you remember that side eyes your friend does when said about something - that small behaviour may have it roots on one of the classmates he had in second grade. You never really know what is connected to what.
It’s is a thought of ignorance if you think that you can understand everyone – the variety of people that exist, the immense experiences through which their story was weaved.
This is one of those beautiful mysteries of life. If you look at the hindsight, both are just human beings. But the complexity of differences and history each carry with them is unbelievably different.
Nut 4:
Now we know all this, don’t invalidate people. Never ask “What is wrong with you?” Just accept that you are not open enough to accept that person.
Even if you think someone is faking their emotions, go all the way to just give them a benefit of doubt. No benefit comes out of invalidating.
Nut 5:
I see you.
This is a beautiful dialogue from Avatar.
It is not when you know their story. It is when you acknowledge that they have a different story that nobody has seen.
We should be able to tell to someone at some point in life: I see you!
And mean it.